"Sandia National Labs has accelerated a small plate from zero to 76,000 mph in less than a second.

The speed of the thrust was a new record for Sandia's Z Machine - sometimes referred to as the fastest gun in the West. Actually the fastest in the world, it is now able to propel small plates at 34 kilometers a second, faster than the 30 km/sec that Earth travels through space in its orbit about the sun, 50 times faster than a rifle bullet, and three times the velocity needed to escape Earth's gravitational field."

• Firing George Bush directly into space (none of that messing around with space shuttles for him)!
• The first custard pie on the surface of the moon!
• The possibility of shooting God himself (surely Heaven can't move faster than the Earth?)!
• A tennis ball serving mechanism that improves player's ability by making them shit their pants!
• Shooting the person facing you in the back of the head by firing the opposite way around the planet!
• Missiles that can go back in time (so long as they are fired against the progression of standard mean time)!