In an attempt to discover exactly what 10 months in Japan can do to a gaijin's personality I have turned to the utterly unscientific Face Analyzer.com - A voyage into the unknown oracle of online face analysing software.

The results are somewhat startling (click each image for a better view/comparison):

Image 1: Taken not long after I arrived on glorious Japanese shores. Fresh faced, at the peak of my game, unaware of the terrible changes that time would inflict on me.

8.1 Extremely Intelligent - You don't need facial analysis software to figure that one out...
6.9 High Sociability - Of course, as the photo would suggest, I am the ultimate guest at any party (now taking applications for wedding ceremonies, barmitzvas and funerals...)

BUT NO! The story is not complete, what horror lurks 10 months on in my life? What has the increasingly incessant onslaught of JET life done to my supple brain and insanely beautiful body?

Image 2: BANG!! Taken just a few weeks ago in a taxi somewhere near Kumamoto. Riddled with regretable joy, oozing alcohol flavoured puss from every orifice. The scars are beginning to show in the shape of taxi driver's attire. What are you smiling at?

7.0 Very Intelligent - OK, this may not sound like much of a dip for you, but for a man used to living in the extremes being thrust down into the very category is a hard knock to accept. Wait, there's more...
3.1 Low Sociability - LOW SOCIABILITY! Kill me before the next wave of infinite pain ruptures my ego-spleen! Being here was meant to rise me high on the shoulders of society, leave the rotting masses and leap, head held aloft the crowds, but look - reduced to a taxi driver's hat wielding moron with no friends to call my own. DESTROYED!

To call these results devastating is an understatement. That is it for the long nights in and lonely, boil in a bag curry for dinner, I'm off, right now, to paint the nearest town some colour bright enough to be seen from the Earth's upper ionosphere. Not only has my brain melted and my social skills been depleted, but I have lost precisely 0.8 of my Gay Factor! A figure too painful to dwell on much longer.

If you can bare the pain check out the Face Analyser yourself. But just remember:

Japan + Time + Fun = Alcohol-Induced Unintelligent, Desociability Disorder

You have been warned...

P.S. There is at least one good thing that seems to have come from my time away from Britain. I am now 40% more Anglo-Saxon than I was when I left! Changing from 100% Middle-Eastern has taken 10 months of hard Japanisation. Well, at least you Brits now know where to come if you want to get back in touch with your genetic roots. See ya...

Categories: Japan, Science?, Phrenology, Culture, Weblog, Links, Fun, Alcohol, Humour

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